5 Stinky Tasks

Time for my yearly post on my least favorite topic: cleaning. No need for you to continue further if you have been down this road with me before. If you are still reading, here goes. I can procrastinate, ignore, rationalize and wish away any project that involves rags, vacuums, water and window cleaner. I envy those who get a buzz out of scrubbing and creating sparkle. I am too old to experience a conversion at this point so I am resigned to accepting the distastefulness of cleaning tasks. Here are my top five disagreeable cleaning tasks, in no particular order.

1) Dusting--In reality, my small house with its minimal number of tchotchkes does not take very long to hit up with a dust rag. And yet I ignore the job like it's a swim across the English Channel. When I find myself doodling in the surface dust on my end table, I know something has to be done. I have tried feather dusters, rags, microfiber cloths, Pledge and, on a desperate day, my sleeve to make the task less obnoxious. I haven't tried wrapping everything in plastic. Yet.

2) Cleaning the fridge--I am a cook so I tend to clean as I go, however, occasionally a deep clean is necessary. The task goes fairly quickly as I wipe down surfaces and I toss out shrunken apples. But when I face the dreaded parade of condiments, my resolve starts to falter. Just how long can one keep that jar of olives? How about the odd bottle of barbecue sauce? Does the sell-by date apply to a bottle of salad dressing that has been opened? Is the sniff test a viable litmus test? I suppose the best adage is "If in doubt, throw it out." Unless it is mustard. I never part with my mustard.

3) Mopping floors--A hit on the head with a cudgel would be more agreeable than this task. I think it is because cleaning floors is always a two-step process. First, the dirt has to be swept up. Secondly, water needs to be applied. This can be done with the tried-and-true on-your-hands-and-knees method with buckets of sludgy water and questionable floaties. Or one can employ less invasive methods. I usually use the wet-mop-Swiffer system. It is rather quick and everything gets tossed in the trash.

4) Scrubbing the shower--How is it possible that something that is used to keep oneself clean can become so scummy? I know the best way to keep it clean is to wipe down the shower after every use. That is simply not going to happen at my house. The reality is that it is easier to close the shower curtain for the out-of-sight-out-of-mind method. When it is no longer tolerable, I do recommend the vintage brand of Comet (bathroom spray). It doesn't come with a maid but it seems to cut the crud fairly well in most showers.

5) Cleaning the oven–Mind you, I have a self-cleaning oven so what could be the problem? It comes down to one thing, the smell. If I were Martha Stewart, I would be wiping down every little splitter and splatter after each roasting and baking session. No surprise that I am not Martha and I cannot afford a kitchen staff. Due to the intensive heat and odor generated by an oven cleaning itself, the task needs to be done on a Goldilocks day. Not so hot that the AC is forced to work overtime and not so cold that the windows cannot be opened for ventilation. Here in the upper plains, Goldilocks days are few and far between so forgive my dirty oven, please.

Finally, my favorite cleaning hack is this: Always clean in low light. You won't see all the dirt that needs attention and, better yet, you won't see all the dirt you missed when you are finished.